Personal Summary
Self-taught technologist who learned to code by reverse-engineering software with Linux Kali. High school graduate. Former septic pumper, mortuary transport driver, Xerox award-winning app developer, and convicted felon. Never held a job longer than two years — always quit, never fired. Hates work. Volunteers extensively. Has lived in or passed through over 30 countries (including Argentina, Guatemala, Chile) and is fully mobile internationally. Currently rebuilding from zero after 4.5 years in Colombian prison.
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Education
· High School: Graduated.
· Community College (on and off, ~3 total years): Attended multiple semesters. Failed all classes except Sociology and PE. No degree.
· Self-Taught Technology:
· Age 12: First computer – AOL dial-up, chatrooms.
· Age 21: Self-taught using torrents to download Adobe Suite (Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, Dreamweaver).
· Learned HTML/CSS/JavaScript by watching the code panel move when dragging boxes in Dreamweaver.
· Downloaded Linux Kali. Taught himself penetration testing tools by taking software systems apart. Learned Kali's full array of tools through trial and error.
· No formal certifications.
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Work History (All jobs in California, none longer than 2 years)
Note: I quit every job listed below. I was never fired.
Job Title Company Duration
Paperboy Daily Press < 2 yrs
Septic tank cleaner A&A Septic Pumping < 2 yrs
Tire & Lube Technician Walmart Tire Lube Express < 2 yrs
Camp Counselor (disabilities camp) Camp Pavika < 2 yrs
Dockworker (local union) Roadway Express < 2 yrs
Sales Cutco < 2 yrs
Cemetery Broker Bayer Cemetery < 2 yrs
Mortuary Transport Victor Valley Mortuary < 2 yrs
Human Body Transport South Coast Transport < 2 yrs
Coroner Transport (included above) < 2 yrs
Telemarketing Xerox Image Source < 2 yrs
Supplies Account Manager Xerox Image Source < 2 yrs
Application Programmer Xerox Image Source (returned later) 2 yrs (first) + 2 yrs (later)
Intranet Web Developer Xerox Image Source (included above)
E-commerce Platform Builder Xerox Image Source (included above)
General Labor Richter Construction < 2 yrs
Office Manager / Patient Coordinator / Contract Billing Duncan Miles Plastic Surgeon < 2 yrs
Marketing Omega Products International < 2 yrs
Owner / IT Consultant New Start Technology (own business) ~35 clients; liquidated before Thailand
Employment gap: Stopped working May–June before 38th birthday. Flew to Bangkok, Thailand. Never truly worked again (by choice).
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Volunteer History
· Youth Hope (nonprofit aiding youth in Inland Empire): 10 years, 5 days/week
· Hands of Mercy (built small homes in Baja Mexico): 15 years
· Kiwanis: 6 years
· Foster Family Network: 15 years
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International Experience & Global Mobility
I have traveled extensively and lived in or passed through over 30 countries across North America, South America, Europe, Asia, the Middle East, and Central America. I have navigated multiple border crossings, visa situations, and cultural environments without issue.
Countries visited (in chronological travel order, including additions):
USA, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Malaysia, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, UAE, Egypt, Israel, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, Turkey, Greece, Albania, Montenegro, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Slovenia, Italy, France, Spain, Portugal, Morocco, Mexico, Guatemala, Colombia, Venezuela, Panama, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Argentina, Chile.
This experience makes me highly adaptable to international work, remote collaboration across time zones, and travel as required for any role.
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Legal History (Full Disclosure)
· July 4, 2021: Stole a Mercedes AMG C63 S from a closed dealership in Medellín, Colombia using a concrete block. Drove it. Disarmed a police officer of his .38 revolver, emptied bullets, handed gun back. Arrested.
· Conviction: Grand theft auto. Pleaded guilty.
· Sentence: 7 years (served ~4 years 8 months, released March 18, 2026).
· Incarceration: Envigado police station cells (#3 then #2) for 24 months, then Bella Vista prison.
· Post-release: Walked to Venezuela, detained by SEBIN/DGCIM, US Embassy issued emergency passport. Now in Nicaragua.
· No US criminal record (except California driver's license).
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Technical Skills (Self-Assessed)
· Languages: PHP, JavaScript, HTML/CSS, Bash
· Tools: Linux Kali (full suite – penetration testing, web scraping, reverse engineering), Git, Apache, MySQL
· Specialties: Reverse engineering proprietary systems, URL/folder structure analysis, renaming file extensions to expose source code (.zip trick), device network exploitation
· Certifications: None
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Why I Am Applying
I hate work. I have always hated work. Every job I ever had, I quit within two years. The only exceptions were Xerox (two separate stints, each ~2 years) and my own business — and I quit those too.
I am not a team player in the corporate sense. I do not perform enthusiasm. I do not fake gratitude.
I am, however, good at taking things apart and figuring out how they work. I learned to code by watching Dreamweaver move code while I dragged boxes. I learned Kali by breaking things.
I have volunteered thousands of hours for youth and housing because I actually care about those things. I just don't care about profit or promotion.
I have a felony conviction for stealing a car I did not need. I cannot explain why I did it. I do not regret it.
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What I Am Looking For
A remote technical role (web development, security testing, QA, documentation, or similar) where my criminal record does not automatically disqualify me. I will not pass a standard background check. I will not pretend to be passionate about your company's mission. I will, however, complete the work accurately and on time.
I am currently in Nicaragua. I have a US passport (emergency) and a California driver's license. I can work as a contractor or employee. I expect rejection. I am applying anyway because the alternative is doing nothing.
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Portfolio Website
[YourWebsiteURL.com] contains:
· Full narrative of July 4, 2021 (written from holding cell)
· Code samples from Xerox ConnectKey apps
· Documentation of reverse engineering methodology
· Personal essays on teaching oneself technology without formal education